THE LORD OF THE DANCE!
by Naheka and Joe the Nazgul
Summary: Watch the people of Middle-earth go insane and sing incredibly mad songs! Why? Because Sauron is bored and he decides to claim himself as the Lord of the Dance. But who really IS the Lord of the Dance?
1. Where's My Ring? Sauron

Disclaimer: LOTR belongs to Dr.Tolkien, not me. BonJovi owns 'It's My Life', but I own the re-written lyrics.  
  
  
  
THE LORD OF THE DANCE  
  
  
  
Once upon a time, Sauron was sittin' on his bum, on his evilllll evil throne in the evilllllll evil land of Mordor.  
  
Then, he jumped up and exclaimed  
  
"I NEED A SONG!"  
  
The Nazgul gathered round and muttered melodically amongst themsleves.  
  
"Sauron needs a song?" sang one.  
  
"Yes Sauron needs a song!" sang another.  
  
"He wants to hear a song?"  
  
"Because he needs a song!"  
  
They all started dancing in synchronism in a circle.  
  
"Why does he need a song?"  
  
"Cuz he's gotta' hear a song!"  
  
"A song?"  
  
"A song."  
  
"A song?"  
  
"Yes a song."  
  
"S-O-N-G!!!!!!!!!"all nine sang.  
  
Sauron stepped forth and the camera closed in on him.  
  
"Because I need to siiiiiinnnggg!" he sand in a very very low tone.  
  
The Nazgul exited the scene and reappeared with guitars and drums.  
  
"This is a song for my broken he-art," began Sauron as he pranced and danced around his evillllll court.  
  
"A musical lament cuz I'm Ring-departed,  
  
I'm gonna' sing this really really loud,  
  
You're gonna' feel my pain  
  
When you hear my so-und"  
  
Then everyone sang as they danced:  
  
"WHERE'S MY RING?  
  
IT'S GOLD AND SHINY!  
  
IT WHISPERS EVIL WORDS WHEN NO ONE'S LOOKI-ING!"  
  
"That didn't rhyme." Whispered one Nazgul.  
  
"I JUST WANT MY RING BACK WITH ME!  
  
IT GIVES ME POWER AND KEEPS US BLACK  
  
JUST LIKE I SAID  
  
I WANT MY RING BACK!  
  
I JUST WANT MY RING BACK WITH ME!  
  
WHERE'S MY RING?"  
  
Everyone broke into a bunch of synchronized dancing and singing.  
  
Sauron started jumping up and down, screaming. He ended the song short, ran to the window, and bellowed to all of Middle Earth  
  
"I AM THE LORD OF THE DANCE!"  
  
Everyone in Arda heard him.  
  
"He is NOT the Lord of the Dance!" remarked Elrond.  
  
The camera backed up, the lights went out and a single spotlight shone on him.  
  
"I, LORD ELROND OF IMLADRIS, AM THE LORD OF THE DANCE!"  
  
More instruments struck up and Elrond got out his microphone that he always kept in the back of his pocket just for occasions like these.  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Should I continue? YES! MY LYRICS SSSSSSSUUUUCCKK! I SUCK AT RE-WRITING LYRCS, BUT I DID IT ANYWAY CUZ I WANTED TO HUMOR MYSELF! 


	2. Wrong Move Elrond

Disclaimer: SmashMouth gots 'All Star', Tolkien gots LOTR, and I gots my re- made lyrics! Oh yeah! And this cookie right here..(takes a bite) YUMMY!  
  
  
  
THE LORD OF THE DANCE!!!  
  
  
  
Elrond started pacing around the room, in a skippy-dancy sorta' way. He got out the microphone and began to sing!  
  
"Somebody once told me  
  
That "thanks to you, we're all doomed,  
  
you married off your daughter to a Man,  
  
She could've gotten better,  
  
there were suiters all around her,  
  
but NO she just had to complain.""  
  
The drums kicked off, and a couple Elves joined him in the dance.  
  
"Well the whines start coming  
  
And they don't stop coming  
  
When I see my friends, I gotta' start runnin'  
  
Why did give her up so wrong?  
  
I might live long but my brain gets numb  
  
So much to do so much to hate  
  
Why do I have to deal with all this?  
  
I'll never know why I'm so cursed,  
  
Every turn just brings the worst"  
  
Then, the guitars came in and everyone was singing!  
  
"Aw shoot! I made a wrong move!  
  
Now the Elves are gonna' fry  
  
Oh no! Why'd I do that?  
  
And in the end, I'll just die"  
  
Then Elrond came to his 'special' line.  
  
"And NONE that glitters is gold  
  
All my hope is lost in the cold"  
  
Elrond jumped up and down, just like Sauron.  
  
"I was going to run to the window," said Elrond. The camera quickly shot a scene of the silent window. Then it went back to Elrond. "But I AM the Lord of the Dance! So I will be, THE LORD OF THE DANCE!!!"  
  
He ran out of the room, laughing madly.  
  
Elrond found a very tall ladder, and put it up against the side of his House, where he climbed it, went to the highest pitch on the roof, spread his arms wide and called out to all of Middle Earth:  
  
"I AM THE LORD OF THE DANCE!"  
  
Everyone in Arda heard him.  
  
"The Lord of the Dance?" asked Faramir. "The LORD of the DANCE?! What the heck is that?"  
  
Boromir turned his head around, and the camera closed in on his face.  
  
"I, Boromir, Son of Denethor, AM THE LORD OF THE DANCE!"  
  
Faramir sang one note, that was eventually joined by a bunch of other random choir people that tend to pop out of nowhere.  
  
Boromir danced to the tower of Minas Tirith, and he danced around the town, singing his song. 


	3. Uruk Fighting Boromir

Disclaimer: Don't own LOTR, that's Dr.Tolkien's. 'Kung-fu Fighting' belongs to some other guy, and I own the lyrics I made up. I also own a dead battery.  
  
  
  
THE LORD OF THE DANCE!!!  
  
  
  
Boromir danced through the city of Minas Tirith, singing a song! Faramir and the choir followed him wherever he went.  
  
First, Boromir pranced along the row of shops.  
  
"Everybody was Uruk fighting," he sang loudly.  
  
Then everyone in the shop row opened their doors.  
  
"Those Orcs were freaked-up Vikings," all the shope owners sang together.  
  
"In fact it was really really funny," went Boromir as he now skipped wherever Denethor was, which was on top of a roof, holding a flaming torch screaming  
  
"HAHA! PRETTY FIRE AND PRETTY FLAMES! BURNING ASHES! I'M A PYRO!"  
  
The townspeople did there best to ignore him, and Faramir and the choir sang  
  
"Even if we were scared and running,"  
  
Then, Boromir went to his solo. He was now dancing up the stairs of Minas Tirith, Faramair and the choir following.  
  
"There were scary Uruk-hai from scary Isengard," sang Boromir. The choir clapped their hands and stuff in the backround.  
  
"They were killing us all,  
  
and they smelled bad like lard,  
  
It was an Orc-ish thing to do,  
  
Cuz the floor was covered in GOO!  
  
And everyone,  
  
At Tol Brandir,  
  
Was just screamin' "EWWWW!""  
  
Boromir nearly reached the top of Minas Tirith as he sang the chorus again.  
  
"Everybody was Uruk fighting!  
  
Those Orcs were freaked-up Vikings  
  
In fact it was really really funny  
  
Even if we were scared and running!"  
  
Faramir and the choir sang "Oh-oh-oh-oh!" four times, and Denethor just laughed madly.  
  
When Boromir reached the top of the tower, he went to the highest point he could find, which was the scary pointy thingy on the roof, and screamed out to all of Middle Earth  
  
"I AM THE LORD OF THE DANCE!!!"  
  
Everyone in Arda heard him.  
  
"He's not the Lord of the Dance!" remarked an Orc. "I'M the Lord of the Dance!"  
  
"Nu-uh!" whined another. "I'M the Lord of the Dance!"  
  
The argument continued between the two of them before a enoumous shadow was cast over them.  
  
"Noooooo." sang someone in a VERY VERY low tone.  
  
The two Orcs turned around. Saruman was standing there, his white robes and white hair fluttering in the sudden breeze (Oh yeah! It suddenly turned into nighttime, and the moon came out and stuff too! And it was 12:00 at noon)  
  
Saruman pointed one long girly finger at the orcs.  
  
"I, SARUMAN THE WHITE-"  
  
"You're the EX white!" shouted Gandalf out of nowhere.  
  
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" ushered Saruman. "THEY AREN'T SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT YET!"  
  
Saruman turned his face back to the camera again and put on a cheesy grin before going back to his 'scary' face.  
  
"I, SARUMAN THE WHITE, AM THE LORD OF THE DANCE!!!"  
  
The orcs then immeditaely lined up in long rows, one leg stuck out, prepared to do some line-dancing. The camera closed in on Saurman. 


	4. WIW Saurman

Disclaimer: Dr.Tolkien owns LOTR! 'M.I.B.' is from the 'Men in Black' movie. I own my re-made lyrics and I also own (reaches over to the printer) THIS WORTHLESS PIECE OF PAPER! MWHAHAHAHA!  
  
  
  
THE LORD OF THE DANCE!!!  
  
  
  
The orcs start dancing in this rhythm:  
  
Stomp clap stomp clap clap  
  
"Yeah! It's the W.I.W." sang Saruman.  
  
"Here comes the Wizard in White!" all the Uruk-hai screeched. The lesser orcs continued to dance.  
  
"Here comes the Wizard in White."  
  
"Here I come!" echoed Saruman.  
  
"He won't let us take over!" sang the Uruk.  
  
"That's right! That's right!" Saruman began his 'rap' thing.  
  
"This bad guy dresses in white BETTER remember that!  
  
If it ever comes for me to make painful contact  
  
The name I have….W.I.W  
  
Saruman the White, leader of 'em all  
  
Save Sauron  
  
Thought I had died, but hey no!  
  
I'm a Maia that just sunk low,  
  
So I made a few bad choices  
  
But so what? Who cares! Now I have more voices!"  
  
Saruman started weaving in and out of the dancing orcs.  
  
"I rule this town and you obey my law"  
  
No misatkes or flaw  
  
White is white and that's the way  
  
Seen the good light?  
  
Forget it!  
  
Cuz you're my leigon now! All gone zip!  
  
Yeah! And.."  
  
The stomping and clapping got louder and the Uruk started singing louder too.  
  
"Here comes the Wizard in White!"  
  
"Here they come!" sang one tiny orc.  
  
"The decked up white sorcerer!"  
  
"Yeah-hah! Yeah-hah!" sang Saruman.  
  
"Here comes the Wizard in White!"  
  
"The Wizard in Whiiite!" went the tiny orc again.  
  
"He won't let us take over!"  
  
Saruman spun around in one spot and was just about to go to his next verse, when suddenly Gandalf whacked him on the head with his trusty staff!  
  
"OWEE!" whined Saruman.  
  
"Singing about yourself and all, 'being the greatest', what a-"  
  
Then Saruman got out his trusty staff, dropped to the floor and swiped it under Gandalf's feet. He fell down and went 'ouchie!'  
  
"HEY!" shouted Gandalf. "THAT WASN'T VERY NICE!"  
  
Saruman laughed loudly as he jumped out the window and used his trusty staff to levitate himself in the air! Then he shrieked out to all of Middle- earth  
  
"I AM THE LORD OF THE DANCE!!!"  
  
Everyone in Arda heard him.  
  
Gandy heard him, and used his staff to take away Saruman's.  
  
Without his staff, Saruman fell from the sky and landed in his ugly, muddy breeding pit and started freaking out and screaming when he regained consciousness from the fall and discovered that he was now Saruman the Muddy.  
  
Gandalf laughed madly, and evilly and started running around in circles, scaring all the orcs away, and he kept running, and, and, and, um, he kept laughing then HE RAN INTO A WALL!……AND HE FAINTED!  
  
Anyways….  
  
Everyone in Arda heard him.  
  
"The Lord of the Dance?" questioned Pippin. "There is no such thing as the Lord of the Dance!"  
  
"Exactly!" exclaimed Merry.  
  
"That would be because…" began Sam in a sort of singy-songy voice.  
  
"There are Lords of the Dance!" shouted Frodo! "FOUR Lords of the Dance!"  
  
Suddenly, all the Hobbits around them just happened to be carrying guitars and drums, and suddenly, microphones were being sold at the vegetable cart. 


	5. Singin' Hobbits Frodo Sam Merry Pippin

Disclaimer: I own a pen…(holds up a black pen that's running out of ink) See? I think my pen died…..oh well. Mr.Tolkien owns LOTR, and the Jackson5 were the ones who sang 'Rockin' Robin'. Oh yeah! Other than my worthless pen, I also own the lyrics I made up!  
  
  
  
THE LORD OF THE DANCE!!!  
  
  
  
Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin stood on that little stump Bilbo stood on under the Party Tree during his farewell speech. The other Hobbits quickly got out the microphones from the veggie cart, set them up by the stump, got out the drums, and strapped the guitars. One rather eager looking Hobbit got out his stand and electric piano.  
  
Then, the music started!  
  
"We sing in the Shire all day long" sang Frodo.  
  
"Drinkin' and a-laughing and singing this song" sang Sam.  
  
"All the Hobbits here in rural land" went Merry.  
  
"Love to eat and cook with the work of our hands" sang Pippin.  
  
A large group of more Hobbits came dancing into the scene.  
  
"Singin' Hobbits!" sang the four.  
  
"Sing! Sing!" went the background choir behind them.  
  
"Singin' Hobbits!"  
  
"Sing! Sing!"  
  
"Go singin' Hobbits" sang Frodo and Sam.  
  
"Cuz we're really gonna'" began Merry.  
  
"sing tonight!" finished Pippin.  
  
The dancing Hobbits lined up and prepared to do some complicated line- dancing.  
  
"Every little Hobbit, every ruffian" went Merry.  
  
"Every mortal being in the caravan" sang Sam.  
  
"There's Farmer Maggot, and the Old Took," sang Frodo  
  
"Raisin' their forks shouting-" started Pippin  
  
"STOP THAT RACKET! I NEED MY SLEEP!" snarled Farmer Maggot and the Old Took out of nowhere.  
  
Everyone paused for a while. Then the eager Hobbit started playing on the piano again.  
  
"Singin' Hobbits!"  
  
"Sing! Sing!"  
  
"Singin' Hobbits!"  
  
"Sing! Sing!"  
  
"Go singin' Hobbits" sang Frodo and Sam.  
  
"Cuz we're really gonna' sing" went Merry.  
  
"toniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!" sang Pippin loudly in a higher tone!  
  
Everyone applauded and cheered! YAY!…YAY!  
  
Then Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin climbed the Party Tree, stood in it's highest branches, and chimed out to all of Middle Earth  
  
"WE ARE THE LORDS OF THE DANCE!"  
  
Everyone in Arda heard them.  
  
"The Lords of the Dance?" thought Celeborn to himself. "There is only ONE Lord of the Dance!"  
  
He looked around the room.  
  
"Good. Galadriel isn't here….She doesn't let me have any fun."  
  
He snuck into the closet, snickering evilly.  
  
Celeborn hid in the corner of the closet, and flicked on the flashlight that had just suddenly appeared in his pocket.  
  
"There is only ONE Lord of the Dance…" then he stood up and prepared to shout, but then he banged his head on the shelf that Galadriel had 'conviniently' placed in the closet just in case Celeborn went crazy….like how he is now.  
  
He crouched slightly under the shelf and screamed  
  
"I, CELEBORN, LORD OF LOTHLORIEN, AM THE LORD OF THE DANCE!!!"  
  
There was the sound of shuffling and the clattering of drums and twangs from guitars as Celeborn backed up, getting ready to slide out of the closet on his knees. 


	6. Get Up and MOVE ON! Celeborn

Disclaimer: Don't own LOTR. Dr.Tolkien does. American Hi-Fi owns 'Flavor of the Week', and I own the re-made lyrics!  
  
  
  
THE LORD OF THE DANCE!!!  
  
  
  
Celeborn backed up and ran forward.  
  
BONK!  
  
"OWW!"  
  
He forgot to unbolt the closet doors. So he flicks the latch open, runs back, then runs forward sliding out on his knees! The elves begin to play whatever song they felt like playing.  
  
Celeborn dusted himself off quickly and began to sing and dance.  
  
"She just complains the whole week long  
  
As if everything is wrong  
  
"The world is changed,  
  
And now we're doomed 'cuz the Water says it so"  
  
And now I'm tired of all this  
  
If I could only have one wish…  
  
Then it would be to have her DIE!"  
  
The guitars played louder as more Elves joined Celeborn in the dance/chorus!  
  
"My wife there, she don't know  
  
How to just shut the heck up!  
  
She's been there for too long  
  
I wish that she would stop staring  
  
She's got to get up and MOVE ON!"  
  
Then the other dancing Elves went away and Celeborn got his solo verse back.  
  
"Just every night, she'll go away  
  
And predict about our death  
  
She's dressed in white  
  
And the mirror's full  
  
She's connected to the earth-  
  
And she's stays up all night long  
  
While muttering the same old words-"  
  
Then someone opened the closet door and sang  
  
"I amar presta aen!"  
  
Celeborn whipped around. All the playing and dancing Elves went away and hid under the bed and a couple leaped out the window. Why did they go away?  
  
"Because I'M HERE!" boomed Galadriel as she looked up at the last line. She turned to Celeborn who was now sitting on the ground cross-legged and wishing to himself that he would evaporate on the spot.  
  
"Now…"said Galadriel. "I'll let you say your…pitiful…stupid…worthless line before I beat the living fluff out of you."  
  
Celeborn gulped and went to the window. Then he shouted  
  
"I AM THE LORD OF THE DANCE!"  
  
Everyone in Arda heard-  
  
"HAHAHAHA!" cackled Celeborn-  
  
HEY! DON'T INTERRUPT THE NARRORATOR!  
  
"Why? You say the same thing every chapter!"  
  
I DON'T CARE! THAT'S THE POINT! NOW SHUT UP SO THAT I CAN SAY THE LINE, AND GALADRIEL CAN KILL YOU!  
  
"Nuh-uh! Galadriel isn't going to get me!"  
  
He leapt on the window sill.  
  
"HAHAHAHA! GOOD-BYE!"  
  
He fell over backwards out of the window. No one saw him ever ever again! MWAHAHAHA!  
  
"HEY! That's not what happened!" hollered Celeborn out from nowhere.  
  
….We're screwing this up again…oh well.  
  
Everyone in Arda heard him.  
  
  
  
Gimli, in his NEW home of Moria [he was drunk when he decided to move in, and he still is drunk so that's why he's still in Moria] heard him, even through the giant walls and all those chambers and tombs and halls and bridges and-  
  
"OKAY! OKAY!" shouted Gimli. "We get your point!"  
  
He ran really really really fast, all the way to the Bridge of Khazad Dum! Then, he said  
  
"I, GIMLI, SON OF GLOIN, AM THE LORD OF THE DANCE!"  
  
From the bottom of the bridge, the Balrog started playing a piano………. 


	7. Have You Ever Been Dirty Gimli

**Disclaimer: Have You Ever Been Mellow is by _Olivia Project_ . LOTR is from Tolkien.**  


* * *

  
been quite a while... well'p... here it is!  


* * *

  
  
  
  
**THE LORD OF THE DANCE!!!**  
  
  
A couple dozen orcs jumped behind collumns and pillars, then reappeared with a couple DanceDanceRevolution machines. Each orc got one.  
  
Gimli also recieved a DDR machine, and a golden microphone crusted with red rubies and all o' that junk that makes all the dwarves swoon and gape *cough*TheArkenstone*coughcough*.   
  
"Hey!" shouted Gimli, "Let's get my song on!"  
  
From below the Bridge of Khazad Dum, the Balrog plugged in all of the DDR machines. Gimli's song began.   
  
"_Have you ever been filthy?  
All covered in ash,  
Have you ever been working,  
With trash,_"  
  
All the orcs were dancing in synchronism with Gimli and with the dance pad. It kinda' sounded like S-T-O-M-P because the orcs were more slamming their gruesome feet on the board more than stepping.   
  
"_There was a time when I was,"_ Gimli kept singing,  
"_As sanitarty as you are,  
I was like you,  
But there was a day when I just,  
Had to work with rocks and mines,  
I was like you,_"  
  
"How many days ago was that?" hollered a voice that sounded like Legolas' out of _nowhere_ "No, how many _years_ ago was that?"  
  
"Shut up and let me continue my song!" Gimli began jumping in fury, getting 'BOO' on the DDR machine.  
"_Now I mean to say its not ugly,  
No, I just want to work with caves,_"  
  
The music kicked up.  
  
"_Have you ever been dirty,  
Have you never tried,  
To find some rocks in a cave,  
Have you ever braided beards,_"  
  
Someone made a struggling and rather distubing cough, hack, and impression of a rabid squriell being choked to death by a piece of copper wire.  
  
"_Just to be diff'rent,"  
Have you ever been working   
With trash,_"  
  
But then the Balrog remembered that electric plugs don't exist in Moria, and neither did DanceDanceRevolution machines. So, everything went black.  
  
But Gimli didn't care! Ignoring the everlasting darkness and the scraping of the DDR machines being put away, and the terrible calls of the orcs that fell off the ledges and into the abyss, he found a pillar, scrambled up to the top and hollered at the top of his rough dwarvish voice for all of Middle-earth to hear:  
  
"I AM THE LORD OF THE DANCE!!!"  
  
Everyone in Arda heard him.  
  
But Legolas with his _elvish powers_ got the DDR machines running again and was getting 'PERFECT' on DanceDanceRevolution 3rd Mix' s Mr. Wonderful.   
  
"I'm Mr. Wonderful,   
Oh I'm so incredible," he sang in his elvish voice,  
"I'm Mr. Wonderful,  
Perfect as can be,"  
  
And the song went on until Legoas got the highest score you could possibly get on DDR. Oh happy day... (blech. Whatever.)  
  
Anyways...  
  
...uh... who's the next victim--I mean-- singer? Ooh! I know!  
  
"Hoom-hum, what the hell was that?" exclaimed Treebeard.  
  
"A mad dwarf calling out to Arda." answered a random ent.  
  
"Oh... well... I, TREEBEARD THE ENT, AM THE LORD OF THE DANCE!"  
  
You could hear the other ents start their tapdances from Valinor...  
  
  
  



	8. Walk Like A TreeHerder Treebeard

**Disclaimer: **I do not own The Lord of the Rings. It belongs to JRR Tolkien. 'Walk Like an Egyptian' is owned by Bangles.  
  


* * *

  
**Author's Note:**  
Sorry for the long stall. I'm going easy with this one, writing my other two... er... fanfiction novels.   
  


* * *

  
**The Lord of the Dance**  
  
  
Treebeard didn't need a microphone to project his voice as his ultra-bass voice boomed his tune surprisingly fast for an Ent. His fellow Ents danced behind him.  
  
"_All the old trees in the forests_," sang Treebeard,  
"_They do the wood dance don't you know,  
If they move too quick,_"   
  
"_Hoom hum hoom!_" sang the background Ents.  
  
"_They're burning down screaming, 'Oh Eru, no!'  
All the wildmen down by Anduin,  
They got the money on a bet,  
Old Tree-herder-dudes._  
  
"_Hoom hum hoom!_"  
  
"_They break your towns without a fret._" All the Ents nodded in memory of their attack on Isengard.  
  
"_Foriegn types with the strange wing-hats say_," sang two random Ents.  
  
"_Booraroom hoom,_" went two other Ents, "_Booraroom hoom!_"  
  
"_Walk like a Tree-herder,_" they all sang simultaneously. The force of the mega-bass voices combined took down a few squirrels that were listening in on the music. Their petty little figures twitched painfully on the earth.   
  
Treebeard went back to his verses. "_The dwarvish people will take their kings,  
They spend their gold and ask for more,  
They've got their ways," _  
  
"_Hoom hum hoom!_"  
  
"_They'll sweep those gems right off the floor,  
All the elf kids so sick of books_," Some Ents pretended to look disgusted at this point.  
"_They talk too much, forever_,"   
  
"That's why they call themselves the Quendi," muttered one Ent to his fellow. "Keep blabbering 'bout the stars and seasons."  
  
"_But Great Journeys begin,_" sang Treebeard over the other's comment.  
  
"_Hoom hum hoom!_"  
  
"_They're walking like a Tree-herder!_"  
  
"_All the orcs in the Dark Towers say,_" sang the first pair of random Ents.  
  
"_Booraroom hoom,_" sang the other pair, "_Booraroom hoom!_"  
  
"_Walk like a Tree-herder,_" they all went again. More squirrels dropped paralyzed out of the trees.  
  
There was an intermission of music, including the Ents dancing in lines and in synchronism. They danced side to side, back to front, and twirled around in circles, willow leaves swaying with the beat.  
  
"_Slide your roots up the road bend your limbs,_" continued Treebeard, dancing with the others,  
"_Shift a branch, ignore the crank,_  
_Life is hard you know,_"  
  
"_Hoom hum hoom!_"  
  
"_So smush an orc at Orthanc!  
If you want to find all the wargs,  
They're hanging out in some pawn shop,  
They sing and dance,"_  
  
"_Hoom hum hoom!_"  
  
"_Chase after Men and eat old socks,  
All the Rohirrim ride a horse,  
The Istari call the Black Riders,  
And the Silvan know,_"  
  
"_Hoom hum hoom!_"   
  
"_They speak and walk Tree-herder!_"  
  
"All the wargs in the pawn shop say," the first duo sang again.  
  
"Booraroom hoom," sang the second. "Booraroom hoom!"  
  
"Walk like a Tree-herder..."  
  
Then they all marched off into the even deeper areas of Fangorn, the ending of the song dying away into darkness. But one last call came from the eldest Ent before the tune ended. "I AM THE LORD OF THE DANCE!!!"  
  
"Amateurs," spat Ugluk as he picked up an ax to chop down a tree right outside Fangorn forest. "Uruk-hai can do much better than that, can't we boys?"  
  
The Uruk-hai pondered this for a moment before nodding their heads and agreeing in rough, riotous voices.  
  
"Then... ahem..." Ugluk inhaled deeply before screaming, "I, UGLUK, AM THE LORD OF THE DANCE!"  
  
Suddenly, the lights dimmed low and a spotlight shot on him. He took the offered microphone from an orc and shot a charming, yellow-fanged smile at his fellows that were now sitting at multiple tables covered in white table-cloths with softly lit candles on each surface. There were a few Rohirrim sitting at the tables, and one of them was a Mary-Sue that had fallen in love with Eomer that decided to chase after him. Seeing the Uruk-hai's spotlight smile, she screamed excitedly and put a hand to her heart before fainting.  
  
"Thank you, thank you," grinned Ugluk, fingering the microphone as an orc played a scale on a grand piano that appeared behind him. Ugluk took a breath to begin the song, but he hesitated. He looked down at the microphone; oh, how puny it was. He stared at it. Then, he chucked it over his shoulder and whipped out a megaphone.   
  
"LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!"  
  
  


* * *

The next chapter is coming very soon, I promise you. Heh heh heh...  
  
  
  



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